Anonymous, CA
I was born along with my twin brother in Los Angeles, California. When I was 4 years old I was molested by a male cousin 10 years older than me. We were having a family cookout. My father was drunk. I asked him to take me to the bathroom but he was busy cooking on the grill so he sent me to the bathroom with my older cousin. When we got into the bathroom and I was done I turned around he gave me an odd look. I could sense something was not right ..this has always been hard to talk about with anyone because I come from a big military family. I was raised to be tough and not to cry. My cousin, 14 years old forced me to perform fellatio on him. After it was over I felt emasculated even at the age of 4. I didn't know what to do. I didn't cry. I just brushed it off. That night I couldn't sleep. Many nights after that I couldn't sleep. This was the beginning of my insomnia. It took me 10 years to tell my mother. My father and mother suffered the same trauma as I when they were children. My father a functioning alcoholic. Taught us how to fight just like his father and uncles. My favorite movie growing up was Bloodsport. When I was 14 I joined the wrestling team for 2 months. Our mascot the Spartans. This made me feel strong and ready to confront my cousin. I waited for the right time. We traveled for a summer vacation in Tuscon, Arizona. My cousin was on the basketball team. We played a game of two on two with him, my uncle and brother. When I was getting a rebound I threw my shoulder into him knocking him to the floor. That's when I knew I could take him. He stands 6'2 I was 5'9 at the time. When my twin found out about the sexual abuse he wanted to kill him. W both held our own in rumbles during high school and on the street. My twin and I both ended up in psych wards and suffered from a cycle of alcoholism that runs in our family. I am now 32 years old and becoming sober. Sadly, my brother passed away a year and a half ago. I mourn him to this day. But I know his spirit is watching over me. I love you brother. Until we meet again.